In case you were wondering….ECR Life editor Anisa Ussuph explains why she hasn’t looked for a wedding ring yet…
It’s a question I’ve been asked over and over and over again: Why are you not married yet?
It’s a question often accompanied by a soulful “I pity you” expression. I can almost hear the brain mechanisms clicking into place as they give me the silent “Ok, what’s wrong with her?” assessment.
So, here is an open letter to all those who’ve asked me that infernal question; those who’ve been wondering about it or those who plan on dropping that in during our next conversation:
“Guys, do you honestly think that I’ve stumbled across He Who I Absolutely Adore, but have given him a wait-in-line ticket?
Or perhaps you think I may have come across The One but have decided to wait to make sure there isn’t A Better One around the corner?
Wrong on both counts. You see, I’m not one to procrastinate. So waiting, twiddling my thumbs and standing holding a candle are things I simply don’t do.
The honest truth is this: He Who I Absolutely Adore is still out there.
It’s that simple. I truly haven’t met someone who wholly captures my interest (and heart.)
Now, why is that so difficult to understand?
It’s not that I’m picky, choosy or critical. Sure, I have a check-list, I mean who doesn’t? But I’m grounded enough to know that “tall, dark and handsome” doesn’t mean happy.
I also know that opposites don’t necessarily attract and that like-minded souls don’t always end up holding hands, watching the sun set for every day of the rest of their lives.
Instead, I’ll settle for kind, funny and dependable.
So see, there really isn’t a complicated answer to your question. I hope you can remember this so that the next time we meet and you try to surreptitiously glance at my ring finger (I always catch you out, by the way), and gear up to ask the inevitable, you won’t be disappointed by the ordinariness of my answer. It’s the honest truth.”
sending...
Hi Anisa,
I absolutley second all your opinions…
i do have a boyfriend, but believe me, i do know and fully understand how you feel, Because i feel the exact same way.
A little something for you:
Good things come to those who wait
Better thing scome to those who try
And best things come to those who believe.
And i do Believe that you will find the person to fill your hearts every desire.
Take care!!!
Hey Anisa
Yip u jus got to wait for the right guy,when we rush we crush.So take ur time & enjoy the fun single life for now
Oh I so agree Anisa, kind, funny and dependable .. and good looks will help! To me the most important quality is – being able to make me laugh! I have a funny feeling you’ll be getting lots of porpositions after posting this!! lol
What is it with this “Date wealthy men” advert in from of the comment section! lol I cant see what Im typing!
lol sorry – propositions!
Unfortunately, they’re google ads Nods. We can’t get rid of them….
haha .. well how fitting to pop up on this column!
my sentiment exactly.i am 41, n stil not married. if HE comes along then maybe i will.but for those who are so curious, have they looked at the recent divorce rate. shame.
next time tell them that WE have made an intelligent choice.thanx
Anisa now u mus craete a dating blog for all the single ladies…& hopefully we will meet guys with cars
oh lordy it’s 4:30……got to go,hope u guys have a gr8 evening!
Well you are gorgeous!Sexy and successfull.Atleast your news reading wont bore your husband to death or give him sleepless nights.You and Seema are the best, NODODY out there will say anything to counter that, or will they.Wish you all the best in your perfect man search, all the luck, lets hope its soon!!!!!
Hey Anisa. I understand and appreciate your comments. Actually agree as well. However, one of the responses was “hopefully we will meet guys with cars”. That is subjective I am aware. However, the immediate impression is that only if you have a car do you stand a chance. That leaves guys like us out in the cold. Thing is there are guys who fulfill certain womens “check lists”.However,when the women than plays the “material” card, the stakes are higher.I know Anisa and have read and followed her career. Her expectations are actually realistic. I suppose guys are intimidated by having someone with both beauty and brains. As for the rate of divorce- why do people always mention this? Why do they not talk about the successful marriages.We have moved away from the teachings of our “elders” and have developed a mind that is so independent that we create a bubble around ourselves which only entitle people who meet certain criteria to enter. Marriage is about sacrifice and more importantly understanding. Scrap our check lists and adopt a “give him a chance” and we will compromise approach. Sorry for the long story but these are simply MY thoughts and not meant to be anything else.
Sorry if i disrespected any of the bloggers with my comment on “meeting guys with cars”…i was just being funny…& to me material wealth does’nt matter at all…i just want someone who woul’d love to share a laugh with me.Sounds silly to some but that’s all i want
hey Anisa great words, in todays world its so difficult so find a man that one can be comfortable with and yes you should get a dating blog for us
Yippee now we have 2 votes for the dating blog
Hi Anisa It is almost that same as when one gets married everyone starts asking the question ‘so when are you having children’ Take your time, the right person will come along. No one has to settle for second best.
Lol Sam , lets hope they consider , cum on guys suggest the dating blog
Well said Anisa. Exactly my reasons for still being single – I won’t settle. I want to adore and be adored!! But those pity glances are enough to do my head in … actually I think a lot of people probably think I am gay. And don’t you love it when you are with people and they are talking about somebody who has never married as if there is something fundamentally wrong with them … and there you are, never married, thinking “ho hum, so this is what people think of me” and then they realise what they are saying and in trying to “make it better” they just make it worse. lmao
Part of the problem, I think is, that men and women have so wildly different expectations. Communication is key.
yip ur right Anisa.
I agree 100% with you Anisa. Why make decisions in haste to satisfy society…only to have regrets, which will then lead to extra marital affairs. Us not being forced into arranged marriages means we have freedom of choice…
GOOD ONE!!!
Take your time Anisa – you will know when the time is right! Marriage is ‘supposed’ to be a life long committment to one another,so you hang in there hun. Ive been happily married for 30 years and hope to make another 30!!!!!
Great advice, guys, 100%! I’m in no rush whatsoever…
Dear Anisa
It’s not every day that I come across young people who’re level-headed, thoughtful and mindful of the future. Well done young lady for knowing what you want and having the courage to stand up to society! Take it from a relatively old-timer like me: lLife is meant to be lived, celebrated, loved and enjoyed! And if you can’t find someone to share in that joy with you, then enjoy it on your own until you find that special person to treasure it with you! You’re a remarkable young lady who is worthy of a remarkably young man!
Peter
Again, well done on your stand point lass, why get married for getting married’s sake, and because others believe you should. I fully believe that the right man is out there for you, I am an old married lady, met the love of my life when I was about twenty years old, we have been together for 45 years, married for 43of them have three beautiful daughter and five precious grand children. So you see it can work! Be patient and enjoy your single life. May you be blessed and I look forward to being around to see you walk down the aisle.
May
Ah May, that’s a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing and thank you for the wise advice!
It’s not the end of the world if you don’t get married, rather unmarried and happy than in a marriage and unhappy!
Happiness should always come first! I hope that you find that special someone.
Every person has one of them in their lives anyway, be it a best friend, a sister, mother, brother…anyone. it doesn’t HAVE to be your husband or boy friend.
Keep well.
yes you so right girl…being there done the marriage thing and it never worked…take your time sweety..funny works…as does all that pleases you about him..
Wow! what an inspiring story and response from the readers. Now I have another reason(s) to stay single at CONFIDENT.
Thanks guys. Glad to see this article’s inspired so much feedback and invaluable advice!
U stick to requirements. Kind , funny and dependable, Great!!!
Thanks Sharon!
I like your advices Guys keep it up.
Wow. Only read this story today, but wow its soooo true- you speak the words of many single women. I think your perspective is spot on! Why should a girl settle- it effects one in the long run… in fact to make it fair-(even though I am an feminist) why should a guy settle also?
Hi anisa
I’m also not married. I feel exactly how you feel. people say that i’m picky but i’m not. I just know what I want. Someone caring, kind , responsible and loves me for me.
And I so hate when they ask me that question…
Thanks guys, such good advice, single, having tons of fun & I belive he is out there & its gonner happen sooner than you think, just be POSITIVE
& keep smiling 
)))
Good for U Anisa! U waited & from I hear, U’ve now been rewarded for it! Well done.
Anisa, just make sure Darren keeps to his end of the bet +- 500 guests etc
hi,anisa hw u doin,is kinda hard to find the right person and some times they are right there and we fail to realize it
hi anisa
All I have to say is you go girl!!! im 22 and currently single and i have never had a boyfriend. everyone tells me that i am too old not to have had any boyfriends and i need to get one and get married before i get too old. the fact is all us singles ladies out there are not willing to just go for any guy, we know what we want and we are ready to wait for the right guy. you are an inspiration to all those girls out there who are being pressured to get married or to be in a relationship just to please others. in a time in the world where good role models are so hard to come by you certainly are an excellent role model to all the young ladies out there. thanks for being you
Hi Keri
Thank you for the kind words. I have always lived my life according to the guiding principles my parents raised me with and key to those has been the belief: Always be true to yourself. I have never cared for what society thinks but rather followed what was right for me. Thankfully, I had great parents who supported my ever decision. I am happy and excited to say that since writing this article, I have met a kind, wonderful, gentle, caring soul who walked into my life one day and swept me off my feet. We’re getting married at the end of the year. I still can’t believe it. Sometime it all seems like a dream! I guess what I’m trying to say is: things will happen when the time is right. If you haven’t found your true love yet, perhaps it’s because the Universe has other lessons to teach you before sending you down that path. It certainly was the case with me. Once again, thank you for your kind words. If I’ve helped one soul out there, I’ve achieved what I wanted to with ECR Life.
xx Anisa
Bravo Anisa for having the courage to stand up and say what a lot of us wish we could but dont!
My parents brought me up to be a strong, confident woman who is in touch with herself and what she wants. They taught me never to settle for second best in any way.
When the time is right, I know you and I will meet someone who deserves us.
Hey Anisa, congrats on the upcoming nuptials.
But you know, now that you have some1, give it a fews months after the Nikha and the “other” question will rear it very ugly head..
“when are the babies coming?”
i have been married 6.5 years, and have no kids.
I am constantly asked – why are you waiting so long to have kids?
i’m not – it just hasn’t happened.
(and did u ever notice thats its only the wive’s that are asked about the baby situation – like the husband has no dealings with that at all!)
i’ve made peace with it – and left it in God’s hands. but, it still doesnt make it any easier when ppl think all I need to do is snap my fingers to fall pregnant!
Thankfully, my mother in law is NOT one of those ppl – she is an absolute sweetheart. (and no – i am not lying!):)
Yup, Megan. You don’t deserve second-best so don’t short-change yourself!
Angely, I’m dreading being nagged about that question!!